Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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