He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still have a little drunk in my system
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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