Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize