i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
