why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
