Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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