I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
