he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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