9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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