Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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