This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I deserve this hangover.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
