my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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