How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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