Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
