A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
