3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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