you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
