We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
