my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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