found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
