dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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