Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
