so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
