Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
