I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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