I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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