woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize