I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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