if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
