Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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