I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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