Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
