is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize