dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
