dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
