Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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