My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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