I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
