i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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