oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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