I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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