I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
