just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
