Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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