Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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