you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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