So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
