she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize