I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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