i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
