I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
