Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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