He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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