we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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