just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
