it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
