I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
