is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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