Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
