i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
babies were throwing up all over the place
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
