My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
