Your face is a jimmy john
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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