brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize