he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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