I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize