I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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