no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
