She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
