He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I FOUND THE LEGS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
