Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
