I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
