Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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