I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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