there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize