I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
