i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
