What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
