Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
