p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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