So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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