So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Randomize
