My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
