Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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