I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
