Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
