yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
