After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
