Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
