Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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