just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
