Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i dont even know how to be here
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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