I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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