you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
