It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
