Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
