he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
