Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
