Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
