dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
