That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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