it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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